Why do I say that vacation is one of the best ways to love our long-term partners more?
It’s because we are out of our daily habits/ challenges and can be reminded that we don’t know everything about our partners. Yes, that’s true, we don’t. I have no idea how my partner would react if he saw a lion in nature.. I don’t even know how I would react. But if we went for a safari wildlife trip, we could find out.
Okay, enough with the extreme scenarios. Let’s see great examples from my relationship so far.
I try to make sure to do new things with my partner consciously, because I know that research shows that happy and healthy long-term couples do this regularly.
On our recent trip to Andalusia (South of Spain) I discovered that his level of Spanish is much higher than I thought as he says “he doesn’t have any”. But that’s not true. He was able to understand most of what all the waiters said. I was impressed as I do speak some Spanish. It was sexy to be reminded of his intellect and ability to communicate.
But the most memorable was the moment when I was blank and scared, but my partner’s calm in the challenging situation made it safe and easy. We were going steeply uphill to the top of a hill to get to the castle hotel where we had to stay overnight. We were going left and right quickly on the serpentine small road. It was raining and then at the very top the steepest part came, but before us was a truck who was a few meters away from the top, tires rolling in spot. You may imagine what could have happened if the truck started to slide down.. I did imagine that with inner horror. Yet my partner has driven on steep roads before (I hadn’t really) and knew what he could do to stay safe. A few seconds of me being in freeze mode and trying not to scare him with my fears (I really wanted to scream, but I knew it wouldn’t be helpful, so I was quiet instead), whilst the truck managed to go the last few meters. And we drove to our spot as well.
I’m still scared whilst writing this, but I’m so aware that when he overcame this obstacle and I overcame my inner battle, we had grown stronger. My trust in him increased and reminded me why I trust him so much already. His reactions in the face of danger is often very opposite of mine and it balances very well. There are also dangers where I am the calm, so I know we reciprocate in this beautifully.
Last moment I wish to share,
was when we decided to do things on our own whilst still on vacation together. We had 9 day’s together and 6 of them had daily active plans made ahead to visit Granada and its main tourist attraction Alhambra (castle complex), but also see some nature in the region. Whilst only the last 2,5 days were in Malaga city without a clear agenda and we both needed different things. He wished to go with his own flow and I wanted to shop and go to Hammam for the 1st time. So we did our things, but were so happy to get together for lunch or dinner and be together after we had fulfilled our own needs first. We are aware that the other doesn’t need to make us happy. We make ourselves happy first and then share it on a higher level together.
I came back nourished (especially from the Hammam and massage) and happy. He had a great day of flowing, walking and exploring neighbourhoods and coffee shops. We had our adventures together, we overcame obstacles and we came closer through the shared experiences of discoveries.
Of course, you can also do new activities together, without the high costs of travelling. But if you both align on liking traveling, that is an easy way of taking yourself out of the comfort zone, yet be open to seeing each other in a new light.
I recommend this mindset to long term couples to remain open with each other and feel excitement even after many years of living together.
How do you keep your relationship fresh?
