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Find out your dating chances
You may have heard “there are no good men left” or perhaps “there are no single men anymore” both stories are not true. It all depends on your preferences on whom to date and honestly, most of us are okay to date 10-15 years older and a few years younger.

For me that window was up to 10 years older and 5 years younger when I was in my mid twenties. Now I’m in my thirties and would consider an even larger range.

Often these assumptions of lacking options come from real harsh periods of war etc. and even more so from negative mindsets.

Did you know that globally the biological birth ratios are male dominated, with an expected ratio of 105 male births per 100 female births?
(UN, World Population Prospects, 2024)

Yes, you read it correctly, biologically speaking more boys are born and that has been so historically, not just a last years discovery.

But how about you and your chances? Let’s do a little check up for you personally.

What is your range? Write it down and follow the next steps to discover your true dating potential.

Next step is to check the statistics of men in the country you want them to be from in this age group.

As I’m writing this in 2025, my example is:
- Age range 25-45
- Countries: Netherlands, Latvia
- My preference is single men
Let’s count together:

In the Netherlands from 25-30 are 576 thousand men + 582 thousand in 30-35 + 540 thousand in 35-40 + 521 thousand in 40-45 = 2,2 million men in the age group

In Latvia there are 25-29 is 55 thousand men + 70 thousand in 30-34 + 67 thousand in 35-39 + 60 thousand in 40-44 year old = 252 thousand

That marks my opportunities with whooping 2,4 million men, but of course, at least a half must be in some sort of relationship, right? (If you found statistics of single men, then continue with the next cut)

Ok, let’s take a half off then, leaving with 1,2 million.

Let’s be a bit critical and understand that I might not be compatible with all of them. Let’s cut off another half: 600 thousand left.

Logically, I won’t be interested in all of them, as we may not have the same interests or values in life. Another half off: 300 thousand.

Perhaps, some of them don’t have the same relationship goals as me (half off): 150 thousand.

Good, now let’s be picky. Let’s say I’m searching for a real special person for me and I just don’t take chances. Half off: 75 thousand.

My favourite is to make sure you are attracted to the person, let’s leave only one third: 25 thousand.

Let’s say that you also need another very specific thing like being open to do cold plunges with you and let’s half off again: 12 thousand.

Okay, I must be honest. I’m running out of more reasons to half off. Maybe you still have some, then go ahead.

So for me it’s 12’000 men that may be available for me. Honestly, that’s a lot. Even if I tried I might not be able to date more than a few hundred.

Perhaps, you have them in thousands or hundreds. But think logically, how many men would you actually be willing to date in your lifetime?

I’m good with my number below 50.

I shared this very illogical way to expand your mindset, because you may feel like you need to find the ONE. But the reality is that there is always more than one man available to you.

At this very moment there may be 10+ men for you in your area alone. To make sure you notice the ones that are healthy for you, expand your mindset and start to recognise the opportunities.

To change your mindset you need to rewire your thinking and that takes a bit of time, practice and knowing where and how to expand it. As a relationship coach, I’m equipped with the tools to create that change so that you can notice the healthy options and change your life!
January 25, 2024
Finding the 1
My life was defined by this sentence for 15 years. My oh my.. how much I longed to be loved and cared for.

And every time I met someone I liked and things went okay at the beginning I excitedly told my girls: “I think he is the one”. Funnily enough none of them where.

Until..

I met a man who was interesting, yet mysterious. His actions spoke louder than any of his words. He showed up daily in the dance festival where we met, finding me amongst the 2 thousand dancers to have many dances each night together. He talked to me daily since we went on our first date in September 2019. He built my trust in him with each action he took.

And I finally didn’t think if he was the one. I was suspicious of where it will go for our beginning months, yet I was open that it could go either way. I finally was present in reality, instead of dreaming of what could be.

I did enjoy our long distance romance and 4 months later we became a couple. A couple living more than 1000 km apart. We travelled to each other monthly for a while and then Covid hit. Latvia closed it’s borders instantly for an unknown amount of time.

We spent 3months apart, yet we got closer. I asked every single question I thought as important for me to know about him and his thoughts.

The week Latvia opened its borders, he bought his flight and by accident we started to live together. I say by accident, because he stayed much longer than initially planned and we begun to slowly plan our life together.

On 2nd of January 2021 I moved to the Netherlands with him. Still pandemic, by the way.. Yet very fun for us and especially me, as I was in a new country.

We live together ever since. And 5 years later, it’s quite apparent that he became the one.
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No one feels better than the women who became aware that there is no prince to save them and they can build their dream life on their own! 
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You see at the moment I met Daan, I finally had stopped waiting for a saviour. I finally had started to realise that we all have more than 1 chance to love.

That there are multiple options at any given time to create a compatible romantic relationship.

In fact, I’m not afraid that we could separate one day. We might, but I know that we both have great options available even if we did.

My past mindset was very tightly focused. It didn’t have room for reality, it only had one scenario on how this should go. The world-old stupid story of the princess and prince from fairytales.

When I met my partner I had finally become clear on who I was! And that woman didn’t need any saving. Yet, she found even more love in being powerfully herself than ever by being a victim to save.

I might tell you about my victim years and the one slap that change my life another time.

For now, I’m grateful that I found someone who doesn’t have to be the one and in that is ideal for me. May you also find the love you seek, instead of the one.
January 25, 2024
How can I make my partner do what I want?

I’m a member of the club who has tried to change their romantic partners out of all sorts of reasons. None of it was successful long term. Let me be straightforward with you.

The one thing that is 100% out of your control is the other person!

Yes, you have completely no control over anyone else. It may seem like you do at times, but the reality is that they choose what to do from what you ask them. As long as your romantic partner is not a doll, you can’t control them no matter how much you care.

So yours is a human, too? Good, then let’s check what you can do.

You can control everything about yourself. And if that seems hard, well, imagine how much harder it is to control two of those. So let’s come back to you, shall we.

The hard pill to swallow is that you chose the person you are in a relationship with. You made the actions to be with them. Now it’s your choice to understand if that is something that you want in your life.

There are red flags that are truly not for you and there are simple smaller things that you could potentially accept.

The two options you can start with begins with understanding which category it is.

Is the thing that annoys you something that you can potentially live with or is it a deal breaker and you prefer to be with someone else?

Ask yourself: if my partner does not want to change this something, am I okay to live with it?

Once you know the answer for yourself, you have the option to tell your partner in a loving way that you would like it to change and how. Then they have the choice to either change it or not. And you know clearly where you stand with this.

My real life example is me asking my partner not to be on the mobile phone whilst we talk to each other. I knew that if he wouldn’t change this habit I would potentially see it as a deal breaker as I truly value quality time together with loads of presence for intimate conversations.

I talked about this topic with him using the magic communication formula of: sharing how I feel when he is X + why it is important for me. + What I would like instead Y.

It sounded sort of like this: “I feel sad and lonely, sometimes angry when you are on the phone (X) whilst we have a conversation and it’s important for me to have connection and presence when we talk to each other. I would really like it if instead you could put the phone away whilst we talk to each other (Y). ”

As you may notice it is all about my true feelings, it’s vulnerable and very clear on what I want instead. There is zero mention of blame or shame towards his actions. He knows exactly why I don’t like it and how it makes me feel, he even knows what I want instead.

Guess what? He puts his phone away when we talk.

Of course, some scenarios and asks may not be changed as some may be addicted and struggling themselves and that’s why you need to know what is your deal breaker ahead.

If the person does not see it as a thing they want to change about themselves, they have the freedom to do so. It’s your choice to be there growling, nagging or blame shame them for that..

or accept it and move on. Either with them or without.

So what is in your control?

What you learned about yourself through reading about this?

January 25, 2024