Linda Horsta

Tag: abusive relationships

  • The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    Many have no idea that they are not ready to commit the attention, hours and their energy to building a new healthy relationship.

    If the relationships you choose tend to be not so great that is your unconscious comfort zone. Yet to change that you would need to invest yourself in development and opening your awareness of the subconscious acts. Now that takes commitment.

    Commitment to working through the uncomfortable parts of yourself both in becoming more self aware and in real life with another person.

    The truth is any new relationship will bring up the uncomfortable, the question is how you deal with that on your own and together.

    By becoming more aware through therapy or coaching can help you start to react differently. Notice the patterns and take a breath, before reacting in the old unconscious ways. That alone creates a new dynamic, where you can continue to develop yourself and change action patterns.

    How to feel more commited?

    Ask yourself how much has it cost you to no commit.. How many loving moments you haven’t been able to enjoy? How lonely have you felt? How often have you longed for someone special to just come into your life? How many times have you had to answer annoying questions about “why you don’t have anyone yet” and felt shitty afterwards?

    Which relationship never flourished, because you where never ready to work on it? How many potentially good connections you surpassed, because it didn’t feel like the one?

    How much love did you miss out on?

    Once you know the cost of not be willing to work on it, you may realise it’s too high not to try once more. The highest cost of not working on your romantic relationships is the constant returning to the same old patterns.

    By working on yourself you will learn how things can improve, by working in your relationships you’ll learn that everyone is doing it.

    No relationship is perfect. All are bringing up our depths and once we are willing to accept that relationships, especially romantic ones, are a place of self-growth and a place to learn, we can have them with ease.

    Whilst you think that romantic relationships are dreamily ideal, you are not open to the reality that there are two persons working on themselves and the relationship regularly, like in a life school. Relationship school.

    A healthy romantic relationship is something that is built by at least 2 people, who work on themselves and the relationship. They choose each other daily and are willing to accept the not-so-comfortable.

    Life brings up challenges and we are there to face them. In a healthy relationship you are aware of how it affects you personally and then communicate with your partner to understand how it impacts them. Then from there you may find ways on how to face it.

    So is the cost of returning to the old patterns and unhealthy relationships enough for you to start the first step and change your life and how you relate?

    If yes, then reach out to the specialist you feel connected to. I offer 30min. free intake session so that you know for sure if coaching and my communication style fits you.

  • This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    When you once again have encountered a pattern that shows how your choice of a lover or partner is not working. It’s rather repeating what you know and don’t want.. we naturally go into analysis mode and ask ourselves “why”?

    This is going to show all of the reasons that will continue to convince us that are the causes. Some of us are going to blame others, some ourselves, many both. By asking this question we seek to explain what happened and continue to convince ourselves of our version of truth.

    Weirdly enough that continues the loop as we have not yet gotten a new thought, we are only examining the existing thoughts and feelings.

    To have a new perspective we either need to connect to our minds creative side by coaching (which is the last thing that will happen on its own, because our mind might be in a survival mode to cope with the situation) and explore other possibilities or be open to hear a new perspective from someone like a friend or therapist even.

    Whilst we are still in the trenches of pain and hurt we are not open to hear any other way, as we need to heal from the existing one. First aid is feeling safe again and perhaps sharing the feelings with safe people. Connecting in the feelings that need to be held and cared for.

    But when we are ready to move, please realise: that by not changing your mindset and actions, you might not find a different path. You need to change in order to choose differently.

    Simply our subconscious is wired to return to familiar situations, unless we actively create new ways. If you want to change the familiar and change towards a healthy loving model, you might want to combine therapy and coaching.

    Therapy to work with the past traumas and negative memories and finding ways to feel safe expressing the worst that has happened and heal from it in a safe space.

    Relationship Coaching to expand your mindset of what is possible, create new healthy mindset that is open to love and prepares you to create a partnership you wish for. Packed with actions that you can take to be ready and finally relax and know that you desire can happen. You can choose a person that is good for you, develop trust in yourself and others, and feel confident in your choice.

    This combination brings a powerful mindset change and improves our lifestyle. We feel empowered to trust ourselves and our ability to lead and create our life as we feel it needs to be. Even in the romantic relationships we choose.

    We become open to healthy romantic partners and we are more authentic, which works like a magnet for those who seek our true selves.

    Trust me, I’ve been there and when I met my partner I was finally a powerful magnet to the real me. No wonder I’m loved in this relationship for who I am, and who I am becoming.

    So if you are ready to let go of the old patterns and start a love life you deserve, reach out and set a time for 30min. free coaching to check if you like my style (message to horsta.linda@gmail.com or in social media @lindahorsta )