Linda Horsta

Tag: dating tips

  • This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    When you once again have encountered a pattern that shows how your choice of a lover or partner is not working. It’s rather repeating what you know and don’t want.. we naturally go into analysis mode and ask ourselves “why”?

    This is going to show all of the reasons that will continue to convince us that are the causes. Some of us are going to blame others, some ourselves, many both. By asking this question we seek to explain what happened and continue to convince ourselves of our version of truth.

    Weirdly enough that continues the loop as we have not yet gotten a new thought, we are only examining the existing thoughts and feelings.

    To have a new perspective we either need to connect to our minds creative side by coaching (which is the last thing that will happen on its own, because our mind might be in a survival mode to cope with the situation) and explore other possibilities or be open to hear a new perspective from someone like a friend or therapist even.

    Whilst we are still in the trenches of pain and hurt we are not open to hear any other way, as we need to heal from the existing one. First aid is feeling safe again and perhaps sharing the feelings with safe people. Connecting in the feelings that need to be held and cared for.

    But when we are ready to move, please realise: that by not changing your mindset and actions, you might not find a different path. You need to change in order to choose differently.

    Simply our subconscious is wired to return to familiar situations, unless we actively create new ways. If you want to change the familiar and change towards a healthy loving model, you might want to combine therapy and coaching.

    Therapy to work with the past traumas and negative memories and finding ways to feel safe expressing the worst that has happened and heal from it in a safe space.

    Relationship Coaching to expand your mindset of what is possible, create new healthy mindset that is open to love and prepares you to create a partnership you wish for. Packed with actions that you can take to be ready and finally relax and know that you desire can happen. You can choose a person that is good for you, develop trust in yourself and others, and feel confident in your choice.

    This combination brings a powerful mindset change and improves our lifestyle. We feel empowered to trust ourselves and our ability to lead and create our life as we feel it needs to be. Even in the romantic relationships we choose.

    We become open to healthy romantic partners and we are more authentic, which works like a magnet for those who seek our true selves.

    Trust me, I’ve been there and when I met my partner I was finally a powerful magnet to the real me. No wonder I’m loved in this relationship for who I am, and who I am becoming.

    So if you are ready to let go of the old patterns and start a love life you deserve, reach out and set a time for 30min. free coaching to check if you like my style (message to horsta.linda@gmail.com or in social media @lindahorsta )

  • Find out your dating chances

    Find out your dating chances

    You may have heard “there are no good men left” or perhaps “there are no single men anymore” both stories are not true. It all depends on your preferences on whom to date and honestly, most of us are okay to date 10-15 years older and a few years younger.

    For me that window was up to 10 years older and 5 years younger when I was in my mid twenties. Now I’m in my thirties and would consider an even larger range.

    Often these assumptions of lacking options come from real harsh periods of war etc. and even more so from negative mindsets.

    Did you know that globally the biological birth ratios are male dominated, with an expected ratio of 105 male births per 100 female births?

    (UN, World Population Prospects, 2024)

    Yes, you read it correctly, biologically speaking more boys are born and that has been so historically, not just a last years discovery.

    But how about you and your chances? Let’s do a little check up for you personally.

    What is your range? Write it down and follow the next steps to discover your true dating potential.

    Next step is to check the statistics of men in the country you want them to be from in this age group.

    As I’m writing this in 2025, my example is:

    • Age range 25-45
    • Countries: Netherlands, Latvia
    • My preference is single men

    Let’s count together:

    In the Netherlands from 25-30 are 576 thousand men + 582 thousand in 30-35 + 540 thousand in 35-40 + 521 thousand in 40-45 = 2,2 million men in the age group

    In Latvia there are 25-29 is 55 thousand men + 70 thousand in 30-34 + 67 thousand in 35-39 + 60 thousand in 40-44 year old = 252 thousand

    That marks my opportunities with whooping 2,4 million men, but of course, at least a half must be in some sort of relationship, right? (If you found statistics of single men, then continue with the next cut)

    Ok, let’s take a half off then, leaving with 1,2 million.

    Let’s be a bit critical and understand that I might not be compatible with all of them. Let’s cut off another half: 600 thousand left.

    Logically, I won’t be interested in all of them, as we may not have the same interests or values in life. Another half off: 300 thousand.

    Perhaps, some of them don’t have the same relationship goals as me (half off): 150 thousand.

    Good, now let’s be picky. Let’s say I’m searching for a real special person for me and I just don’t take chances. Half off: 75 thousand.

    My favourite is to make sure you are attracted to the person, let’s leave only one third: 25 thousand.

    Let’s say that you also need another very specific thing like being open to do cold plunges with you and let’s half off again: 12 thousand.

    Okay, I must be honest. I’m running out of more reasons to half off. Maybe you still have some, then go ahead.

    So for me it’s 12’000 men that may be available for me. Honestly, that’s a lot. Even if I tried I might not be able to date more than a few hundred.

    Perhaps, you have them in thousands or hundreds. But think logically, how many men would you actually be willing to date in your lifetime?

    I’m good with my number below 50.

    I shared this very illogical way to expand your mindset, because you may feel like you need to find the ONE. But the reality is that there is always more than one man available to you.

    At this very moment there may be 10+ men for you in your area alone. To make sure you notice the ones that are healthy for you, expand your mindset and start to recognise the opportunities.

    To change your mindset you need to rewire your thinking and that takes a bit of time, practice and knowing where and how to expand it. As a relationship coach, I’m equipped with the tools to create that change so that you can notice the healthy options and change your life!