Tag: ideal partner

Moments of vacation that made me love my partner even more

Why do I say that vacation is one of the best ways to love our long-term partners more?

It’s because we are out of our daily habits/ challenges and can be reminded that we don’t know everything about our partners. Yes, that’s true, we don’t. I have no idea how my partner would react if he saw a lion in nature.. I don’t even know how I would react. But if we went for a safari wildlife trip, we could find out.

Okay, enough with the extreme scenarios. Let’s see great examples from my relationship so far.

I try to make sure to do new things with my partner consciously, because I know that research shows that happy and healthy long-term couples do this regularly.

On our recent trip to Andalusia (South of Spain) I discovered that his level of Spanish is much higher than I thought as he says “he doesn’t have any”. But that’s not true. He was able to understand most of what all the waiters said. I was impressed as I do speak some Spanish. It was sexy to be reminded of his intellect and ability to communicate.

Cueva del Tesoro

Inside Alhambra

A bit of hiking

Almuñécar views

Best meal of the trip: El Rey del Pulpo con arroz negro

_{Alhambra palace territory and the Sierra Nevada mountain range in the background.}

But the most memorable was the moment when I was blank and scared, but my partner’s calm in the challenging situation made it safe and easy. We were going steeply uphill to the top of a hill to get to the castle hotel where we had to stay overnight. We were going left and right quickly on the serpentine small road. It was raining and then at the very top the steepest part came, but before us was a truck who was a few meters away from the top, tires rolling in spot. You may imagine what could have happened if the truck started to slide down.. I did imagine that with inner horror. Yet my partner has driven on steep roads before (I hadn’t really) and knew what he could do to stay safe. A few seconds of me being in freeze mode and trying not to scare him with my fears (I really wanted to scream, but I knew it wouldn’t be helpful, so I was quiet instead), whilst the truck managed to go the last few meters. And we drove to our spot as well.

I’m still scared whilst writing this, but I’m so aware that when he overcame this obstacle and I overcame my inner battle, we had grown stronger. My trust in him increased and reminded me why I trust him so much already. His reactions in the face of danger is often very opposite of mine and it balances very well. There are also dangers where I am the calm, so I know we reciprocate in this beautifully.

One of the most beautiful hotels ever!

We made it!

The view was worth it!

Last moment I wish to share,

was when we decided to do things on our own whilst still on vacation together. We had 9 day’s together and 6 of them had daily active plans made ahead to visit Granada and its main tourist attraction Alhambra (castle complex), but also see some nature in the region. Whilst only the last 2,5 days were in Malaga city without a clear agenda and we both needed different things. He wished to go with his own flow and I wanted to shop and go to Hammam for the 1st time. So we did our things, but were so happy to get together for lunch or dinner and be together after we had fulfilled our own needs first. We are aware that the other doesn’t need to make us happy. We make ourselves happy first and then share it on a higher level together.

Tapa: Un Perrito de Malagueño

Fell in love with Málaga

Hammam Al Ándalus

I came back nourished (especially from the Hammam and massage) and happy. He had a great day of flowing, walking and exploring neighbourhoods and coffee shops. We had our adventures together, we overcame obstacles and we came closer through the shared experiences of discoveries.

Of course, you can also do new activities together, without the high costs of travelling. But if you both align on liking traveling, that is an easy way of taking yourself out of the comfort zone, yet be open to seeing each other in a new light.

I recommend this mindset to long term couples to remain open with each other and feel excitement even after many years of living together.

How do you keep your relationship fresh?

May 2, 2025
“All men are pigs”..

Or “there are no good men left” are truly limiting thoughts that love to circle around. Yet is it the truth? The whole vast truth about all men on this planet..

The issue is that when you believe in statements like that you limit yourself and you don’t notice the ones who are not. Your mind dismisses them, finds excuses why you don’t like the ones who are worthy of you.

Yes, you focus your mind on the negative ones who stand out, but don’t notice the quiet ones nearby. We see this trend in politics at the moment as well.

We’ve always had it in pop culture. Negative emotions are powerful at taking our attention and link very quickly to our reactive primitive mind centers.

We protect ourselves.

But is this the whole truth about the men available?

Does this reflect every single man on this planet?

Of course, not.

You simply don’t know enough good examples and there might not be a habit of doubting black and white statements. Reality is always in the full color spectrum. Yes, the negative does exist, but so does positive and all in between, which is often the majority.

For your mind to expand and notice the others you need to start to question these thoughts. Question them in conversations with your friends and others. You don’t need to oppose others opinions, but you can question your own.

Often what we say is emotional, only partially reflective of the reality. Often blowing up a detail feels satisfying, yet it does not mean it’s factually true.

How about you find one man that you think is kind of okay. Is there one? Keep on searching and you’ll realise that there are more. Perhaps start with your closest people.

There are plenty of men who are willing to work on themselves and care deeply to be in a loving relationship. I know that, because I meet them in my coaching practice and conversations around the topics I work with.

Yes, good men exist even in 2025 and there are good men available and searching for a romantic relationship at this very moment.

Change your mindset = change your life and experience the love you seek!

So start by asking those questions to yourself first and perhaps you’ll realise what’s needed to move. Or perhaps it will open up other areas to expand your mindset on as often we have thoughts like this to protect ourselves.

As a coach I love to work on becoming aware of the protection mechanisms and finding ways to honor them, whilst opening the mindset to a chance of finding the love you seek. Contact me to receive a 30min. free intake session to try out how relationship coaching works.

March 20, 2025
How can I make my partner do what I want?

I’m a member of the club who has tried to change their romantic partners out of all sorts of reasons. None of it was successful long term. Let me be straightforward with you.

The one thing that is 100% out of your control is the other person!

Yes, you have completely no control over anyone else. It may seem like you do at times, but the reality is that they choose what to do from what you ask them. As long as your romantic partner is not a doll, you can’t control them no matter how much you care.

So yours is a human, too? Good, then let’s check what you can do.

You can control everything about yourself. And if that seems hard, well, imagine how much harder it is to control two of those. So let’s come back to you, shall we.

The hard pill to swallow is that you chose the person you are in a relationship with. You made the actions to be with them. Now it’s your choice to understand if that is something that you want in your life.

There are red flags that are truly not for you and there are simple smaller things that you could potentially accept.

The two options you can start with begins with understanding which category it is.

Is the thing that annoys you something that you can potentially live with or is it a deal breaker and you prefer to be with someone else?

Ask yourself: if my partner does not want to change this something, am I okay to live with it?

Once you know the answer for yourself, you have the option to tell your partner in a loving way that you would like it to change and how. Then they have the choice to either change it or not. And you know clearly where you stand with this.

My real life example is me asking my partner not to be on the mobile phone whilst we talk to each other. I knew that if he wouldn’t change this habit I would potentially see it as a deal breaker as I truly value quality time together with loads of presence for intimate conversations.

I talked about this topic with him using the magic communication formula of: sharing how I feel when he is X + why it is important for me. + What I would like instead Y.

It sounded sort of like this: “I feel sad and lonely, sometimes angry when you are on the phone (X) whilst we have a conversation and it’s important for me to have connection and presence when we talk to each other. I would really like it if instead you could put the phone away whilst we talk to each other (Y). ”

As you may notice it is all about my true feelings, it’s vulnerable and very clear on what I want instead. There is zero mention of blame or shame towards his actions. He knows exactly why I don’t like it and how it makes me feel, he even knows what I want instead.

Guess what? He puts his phone away when we talk.

Of course, some scenarios and asks may not be changed as some may be addicted and struggling themselves and that’s why you need to know what is your deal breaker ahead.

If the person does not see it as a thing they want to change about themselves, they have the freedom to do so. It’s your choice to be there growling, nagging or blame shame them for that..

or accept it and move on. Either with them or without.

So what is in your control?

What you learned about yourself through reading about this?

January 25, 2024