Linda Horsta

Tag: love

  • E Files, news, stress.. How to stay sane?

    E Files, news, stress.. How to stay sane?

    Are you affected by the you-know-what files? Distracted by the constant bad influx of news? In stress about what next dumb thing orange T will do or say? Feeling depressive, negative, helpless etc. because of all this..

    Then I’m glad you found this post.

    I’ve been there so many times and I hope that what I learned from my “dark rabbit holes” of emotion overtaking my life will help you as well.

    It all comes down to emotion regulation. Information like this won’t leave us neutral unless we are numbing ourselves. It is designed to create an emotional reaction when written by journalists etc.

    So hey, if you are affected you are emotionally open and that is a good thing. That shows that your values have been overstepped and you are NOT okay with the actions of others.

    What helps to stay sane?

    Find out the underlying value that stirs you up. Knowing your value will bring out a lot more agency over what you are feeling. It brings awareness and clarity. You get to know yourself better. Best with asking a few coaching questions like:

    Why is X impacting me?

    Why do I feel triggered by X?

    Ideally, write down the answers to those questions and you will see the values that are triggered by this. Those values are important to you. Just like my values of freedom, authenticity and love are SO triggered by all this.

    This is the 1st step – becoming aware, but then comes the real deal for helpful change: action.

    Action is what will shift you from feeling helpless in this matter to being helpful!

    Since I’m also so NOT okay with those monstrous actions and my values are deeply triggered: My way of doing something about it is writing this.

    It is my way of regulating my emotions, understanding them, allowing them whilst I write (I release my emotions whilst I write) and eventually giving you something meaningful from this. Looking at what is in my control. Finding out and knowing clearly which of my values are shown and acting on those values in a helpful impactful way.

    For finding out the helpful actions you can take, ask yourself:

    What could help me to release my emotions?

    What can I do that would help in this matter?

    Write it out, let it out. There might be a lot more that you can do than you thought.

    Just in case you got stuck when asking those questions, ask yourself: What does my reaction to these questions mean?

    Many of us will need to regulate the emotions first as that is how it works. You are emotionally affected and that means that regulation is needed. Then I suggest journaling about your emotions and/or physically releasing them with movement, I personally like to dance out my emotions, but perhaps you just need to scream.

    By the way, although emotions often feel like they overpower us, we have the real power to shift them by what we choose to do with that.

    For example, when I was emotionally overpowered by watching a documentary about Tina Turners story of survival from domestic abuse, I allowed myself to ugly cry full on. For me it hit right in the heart as I also have been in an abusive romantic relationship. Allowing those emotions whilst being in a safe environment was healing for me. It was one of the first cases when I realised that I feel so triggered, because of my values of Love and Freedom. Both where strongly overstepped in her case. What I could act upon at that time was to start to talk about my story so that more women would be inspired to leave their unhealthy relationships. Recognise it and take the bold leap. As I once did, as Tina Turner did.

    Other ideas of action:

    • Donate to organisations that help in the matter,
    • Protest with others on this matter,
    • Share helpful information on where to reach out if someone is affected by something similar,
    • Educate yourself on what one can do to help,
    • Join an organisation that helps in the matter,
    • Learn more about your values and incorporate them in your daily life more,
    • Create art from your feelings,
    • Learn to talk about the hard subjects in a way that helps and finds solutions,
    • Tweak how much news you consume and set boundaries on when it is enough (no you don’t need to be informed 24/7),
    • Choose what you want to focus your mind on and create habits that support it (I love to focus on Love by going to psychologist, watching good news channels weekly, following neuroscientists to learn about my brain, donating to organisations who’s work I love, growing plants, connecting to nature etc.)
    • If you know someone going through a tough time, because of news like this, share this with them.

    I’m curious to see your ideas of actions – you can comment below or send them privately to me and I would love to add them to the list.

    Do you start to feel like even in the darkest of times, you have a choice on what to do with what your given?

    In fact the good things are happening as well, they just don’t drop onto you in the same way. They inspire us, they motivate us, they lift us. A very different set of emotions appear. And in fact, they ignite the same values! It simply feels different so we don’t pay too much attention to it.

    What if you could start to focus on your values and then step by step build an ability to notice the full spectrum of things happening in the world with similar ability of reaction?

    Thank you for reading my perspective in this matter and I hope this was helpful to you. Let’s create meaningful impact with our time here. A life worth living.

  • “All men are pigs”..

    “All men are pigs”..

    Or “there are no good men left” are truly limiting thoughts that love to circle around. Yet is it the truth? The whole vast truth about all men on this planet..

    The issue is that when you believe in statements like that you limit yourself and you don’t notice the ones who are not. Your mind dismisses them, finds excuses why you don’t like the ones who are worthy of you.

    Yes, you focus your mind on the negative ones who stand out, but don’t notice the quiet ones nearby. We see this trend in politics at the moment as well.

    We’ve always had it in pop culture. Negative emotions are powerful at taking our attention and link very quickly to our reactive primitive mind centers.

    We protect ourselves.

    But is this the whole truth about the men available?

    Does this reflect every single man on this planet?

    Of course, not.

    You simply don’t know enough good examples and there might not be a habit of doubting black and white statements. Reality is always in the full color spectrum. Yes, the negative does exist, but so does positive and all in between, which is often the majority.

    For your mind to expand and notice the others you need to start to question these thoughts. Question them in conversations with your friends and others. You don’t need to oppose others opinions, but you can question your own.

    Often what we say is emotional, only partially reflective of the reality. Often blowing up a detail feels satisfying, yet it does not mean it’s factually true.

    How about you find one man that you think is kind of okay. Is there one? Keep on searching and you’ll realise that there are more. Perhaps start with your closest people.

    There are plenty of men who are willing to work on themselves and care deeply to be in a loving relationship. I know that, because I meet them in my coaching practice and conversations around the topics I work with.

    Yes, good men exist even in 2025 and there are good men available and searching for a romantic relationship at this very moment.

    Change your mindset = change your life and experience the love you seek!

    So start by asking those questions to yourself first and perhaps you’ll realise what’s needed to move. Or perhaps it will open up other areas to expand your mindset on as often we have thoughts like this to protect ourselves.

    As a coach I love to work on becoming aware of the protection mechanisms and finding ways to honor them, whilst opening the mindset to a chance of finding the love you seek. Contact me to receive a 30min. free intake session to try out how relationship coaching works.

  • The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    Many have no idea that they are not ready to commit the attention, hours and their energy to building a new healthy relationship.

    If the relationships you choose tend to be not so great that is your unconscious comfort zone. Yet to change that you would need to invest yourself in development and opening your awareness of the subconscious acts. Now that takes commitment.

    Commitment to working through the uncomfortable parts of yourself both in becoming more self aware and in real life with another person.

    The truth is any new relationship will bring up the uncomfortable, the question is how you deal with that on your own and together.

    By becoming more aware through therapy or coaching can help you start to react differently. Notice the patterns and take a breath, before reacting in the old unconscious ways. That alone creates a new dynamic, where you can continue to develop yourself and change action patterns.

    How to feel more commited?

    Ask yourself how much has it cost you to no commit.. How many loving moments you haven’t been able to enjoy? How lonely have you felt? How often have you longed for someone special to just come into your life? How many times have you had to answer annoying questions about “why you don’t have anyone yet” and felt shitty afterwards?

    Which relationship never flourished, because you where never ready to work on it? How many potentially good connections you surpassed, because it didn’t feel like the one?

    How much love did you miss out on?

    Once you know the cost of not be willing to work on it, you may realise it’s too high not to try once more. The highest cost of not working on your romantic relationships is the constant returning to the same old patterns.

    By working on yourself you will learn how things can improve, by working in your relationships you’ll learn that everyone is doing it.

    No relationship is perfect. All are bringing up our depths and once we are willing to accept that relationships, especially romantic ones, are a place of self-growth and a place to learn, we can have them with ease.

    Whilst you think that romantic relationships are dreamily ideal, you are not open to the reality that there are two persons working on themselves and the relationship regularly, like in a life school. Relationship school.

    A healthy romantic relationship is something that is built by at least 2 people, who work on themselves and the relationship. They choose each other daily and are willing to accept the not-so-comfortable.

    Life brings up challenges and we are there to face them. In a healthy relationship you are aware of how it affects you personally and then communicate with your partner to understand how it impacts them. Then from there you may find ways on how to face it.

    So is the cost of returning to the old patterns and unhealthy relationships enough for you to start the first step and change your life and how you relate?

    If yes, then reach out to the specialist you feel connected to. I offer 30min. free intake session so that you know for sure if coaching and my communication style fits you.

  • This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    When you once again have encountered a pattern that shows how your choice of a lover or partner is not working. It’s rather repeating what you know and don’t want.. we naturally go into analysis mode and ask ourselves “why”?

    This is going to show all of the reasons that will continue to convince us that are the causes. Some of us are going to blame others, some ourselves, many both. By asking this question we seek to explain what happened and continue to convince ourselves of our version of truth.

    Weirdly enough that continues the loop as we have not yet gotten a new thought, we are only examining the existing thoughts and feelings.

    To have a new perspective we either need to connect to our minds creative side by coaching (which is the last thing that will happen on its own, because our mind might be in a survival mode to cope with the situation) and explore other possibilities or be open to hear a new perspective from someone like a friend or therapist even.

    Whilst we are still in the trenches of pain and hurt we are not open to hear any other way, as we need to heal from the existing one. First aid is feeling safe again and perhaps sharing the feelings with safe people. Connecting in the feelings that need to be held and cared for.

    But when we are ready to move, please realise: that by not changing your mindset and actions, you might not find a different path. You need to change in order to choose differently.

    Simply our subconscious is wired to return to familiar situations, unless we actively create new ways. If you want to change the familiar and change towards a healthy loving model, you might want to combine therapy and coaching.

    Therapy to work with the past traumas and negative memories and finding ways to feel safe expressing the worst that has happened and heal from it in a safe space.

    Relationship Coaching to expand your mindset of what is possible, create new healthy mindset that is open to love and prepares you to create a partnership you wish for. Packed with actions that you can take to be ready and finally relax and know that you desire can happen. You can choose a person that is good for you, develop trust in yourself and others, and feel confident in your choice.

    This combination brings a powerful mindset change and improves our lifestyle. We feel empowered to trust ourselves and our ability to lead and create our life as we feel it needs to be. Even in the romantic relationships we choose.

    We become open to healthy romantic partners and we are more authentic, which works like a magnet for those who seek our true selves.

    Trust me, I’ve been there and when I met my partner I was finally a powerful magnet to the real me. No wonder I’m loved in this relationship for who I am, and who I am becoming.

    So if you are ready to let go of the old patterns and start a love life you deserve, reach out and set a time for 30min. free coaching to check if you like my style (message to horsta.linda@gmail.com or in social media @lindahorsta )

  • Illness and close relationships

    Illness and close relationships

    It hurt so much more when I learned that my sister had a chronic illness, then when I found out that I had a different chronic illness, too.

    All I wanted to do was scream at whoever the creator is about it’s cruelty. My sister does not deserve it I kept on thinking. Yet I have never thought that about my own diagnosis.

    We experience such news from different perspectives.

    As a sister all I want is to protect and I was helpless in this discovery. I’m not a doctor and I knew almost nothing about MS (multiple sclerosis). Yet I wanted to be able to support her somehow. So I did my best, I listened to her and tried to learn about her condition on the side.

    Whilst as someone who got a diagnosis:

    For me it was part relief, because I finally knew what was behind all the physical misery and that I wasn’t weak I simply had adenomyosis.

    The other part was a full blown sense of victimhood. Why me? Why anyone? Sort of questions.

    The victimhood transformed as I got more understanding of what it is and what I can do. Now I don’t feel it much, as therapy and coaching helped me to shift my perspective to understanding that people with illness are not victims. They are people with challenges that influence their daily lives, but not victims who need saving.

    Yes we need support, but that is different than being saved by someone (having power vs giving power away). Perhaps I will write about this in more detail one day.

    The perspective matters, and if you are in the shoes of the supporter, here’s what you can do:

    1. Understand that you have control only for your actions and your loved one has the power to choose how they act. You may think it’s helpful to tell them what to eat and how to change their life to get better, but all they want is for you to either be there or listen. Most probably the doctors are already overwhelming them on instructions on what to do and you can help by figuring it out together, if they feel safe to share that.
    2. The most helpful actions will often come from their needs, so simply learn to ask them: “What do you need the most right now that I can help you with?”. We absolutely need to ask this, because many of us don’t know how to ask for help and how to receive it. It on its own is a hard change to ask someone to make you lunch or clean your laundry, or listen to you whilst you feel weak and need to cry. All of this is vulnerable and by asking this question you give the strength to your loved one to support them in a way that they feel comfortable with. It is also ok, if they don’t know yet. Keep on asking and tell them why it is important for you to help.
    3. Educate yourself on their specific condition so that they do not have to explain it to you. I need to explain what adenomyosis is almost every time I mention it publicly. I’m grateful when a person knows what it is, because then we can have an actual conversation about it. Instead of me explaining, I can talk about my experiences and feel more heard and seen. By being one of the close persons they can talk to about how it is can help to feel less alone.

    As you may have noticed these actions involve vulnerable and uncomfortable conversations and actions from your side. For the communication to be truly giving you need to listen more, than talk. This may be your chance to train how to be a better listener.

    Everyone’s illness story is different and that also is important to understand. Although I have adenomyosis I am able to live a comfortable life as I’ve found simple treatments that work for me, whilst I know women who need operations for that same result, and there are many women who eventually remove their cervix to get back to a normal life. Whilst others never do.

    A life with chronic illness shakes up the whole lifestyle we had before, and grieving that is a big part of it. By caring for your loved one, you may see ups and downs, but know that your support means the world for them. They can’t and don’t have to go through it alone and that’s the greatest gift you can give to them. Your love and attention is what they need the most and what you can choose to give.

    Whilst I don’t wish for anyone’s loved one to get a chronic illness, nowadays I’m grateful that I get to share my experiences with my sis’ and we can talk about it as it is. We understand the process and although we have different issues, we support each other the way it is most helpful at that moment.

    P.S. If you have a chronic illness, I coach on this topic as well. It is a specific type of coaching, so we always need to have an intake free call to understand if coaching can be helpful at this moment.

    I’ve benefit from combining: 1. finding healthcare professionals I trust. 2. going to a psychologist to deal with my grief and worries. 3. coaching as a method to find helpful ways to create a future that is loving and sustainable towards me.

  • Finding the 1

    Finding the 1

    My life was defined by this sentence for 15 years. My oh my.. how much I longed to be loved and cared for.

    And every time I met someone I liked and things went okay at the beginning I excitedly told my girls: “I think he is the one”. Funnily enough none of them where.

    Until..

    I met a man who was interesting, yet mysterious. His actions spoke louder than any of his words. He showed up daily in the dance festival where we met, finding me amongst the 2 thousand dancers to have many dances each night together. He talked to me daily since we went on our first date in September 2019. He built my trust in him with each action he took.

    And I finally didn’t think if he was the one. I was suspicious of where it will go for our beginning months, yet I was open that it could go either way. I finally was present in reality, instead of dreaming of what could be.

    I did enjoy our long distance romance and 4 months later we became a couple. A couple living more than 1000 km apart. We travelled to each other monthly for a while and then Covid hit. Latvia closed it’s borders instantly for an unknown amount of time.

    We spent 3months apart, yet we got closer. I asked every single question I thought as important for me to know about him and his thoughts.

    The week Latvia opened its borders, he bought his flight and by accident we started to live together. I say by accident, because he stayed much longer than initially planned and we begun to slowly plan our life together.

    On 2nd of January 2021 I moved to the Netherlands with him. Still pandemic, by the way.. Yet very fun for us and especially me, as I was in a new country.

    We live together ever since. And 5 years later, it’s quite apparent that he became the one. 

    No one feels better than the women who became aware that there is no prince to save them and they can build their dream life on their own! 

    You see at the moment I met Daan, I finally had stopped waiting for a saviour. I finally had started to realise that we all have more than 1 chance to love.

    That there are multiple options at any given time to create a compatible romantic relationship.

    In fact, I’m not afraid that we could separate one day. We might, but I know that we both have great options available even if we did.

    My past mindset was very tightly focused. It didn’t have room for reality, it only had one scenario on how this should go. The world-old stupid story of the princess and prince from fairytales.

    When I met my partner I had finally become clear on who I was! And that woman didn’t need any saving. Yet, she found even more love in being powerfully herself than ever by being a victim to save.

    I might tell you about my victim years and the one slap that change my life another time.

    For now, I’m grateful that I found someone who doesn’t have to be the one and in that is ideal for me. May you also find the love you seek, instead of the one.