Linda Horsta

Tag: soulmate

  • The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    The cost of lack of commitment in relationships

    Many have no idea that they are not ready to commit the attention, hours and their energy to building a new healthy relationship.

    If the relationships you choose tend to be not so great that is your unconscious comfort zone. Yet to change that you would need to invest yourself in development and opening your awareness of the subconscious acts. Now that takes commitment.

    Commitment to working through the uncomfortable parts of yourself both in becoming more self aware and in real life with another person.

    The truth is any new relationship will bring up the uncomfortable, the question is how you deal with that on your own and together.

    By becoming more aware through therapy or coaching can help you start to react differently. Notice the patterns and take a breath, before reacting in the old unconscious ways. That alone creates a new dynamic, where you can continue to develop yourself and change action patterns.

    How to feel more commited?

    Ask yourself how much has it cost you to no commit.. How many loving moments you haven’t been able to enjoy? How lonely have you felt? How often have you longed for someone special to just come into your life? How many times have you had to answer annoying questions about “why you don’t have anyone yet” and felt shitty afterwards?

    Which relationship never flourished, because you where never ready to work on it? How many potentially good connections you surpassed, because it didn’t feel like the one?

    How much love did you miss out on?

    Once you know the cost of not be willing to work on it, you may realise it’s too high not to try once more. The highest cost of not working on your romantic relationships is the constant returning to the same old patterns.

    By working on yourself you will learn how things can improve, by working in your relationships you’ll learn that everyone is doing it.

    No relationship is perfect. All are bringing up our depths and once we are willing to accept that relationships, especially romantic ones, are a place of self-growth and a place to learn, we can have them with ease.

    Whilst you think that romantic relationships are dreamily ideal, you are not open to the reality that there are two persons working on themselves and the relationship regularly, like in a life school. Relationship school.

    A healthy romantic relationship is something that is built by at least 2 people, who work on themselves and the relationship. They choose each other daily and are willing to accept the not-so-comfortable.

    Life brings up challenges and we are there to face them. In a healthy relationship you are aware of how it affects you personally and then communicate with your partner to understand how it impacts them. Then from there you may find ways on how to face it.

    So is the cost of returning to the old patterns and unhealthy relationships enough for you to start the first step and change your life and how you relate?

    If yes, then reach out to the specialist you feel connected to. I offer 30min. free intake session so that you know for sure if coaching and my communication style fits you.

  • This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    This is why asking “why” is not helpful when it comes to your unhealthy relationship patterns

    When you once again have encountered a pattern that shows how your choice of a lover or partner is not working. It’s rather repeating what you know and don’t want.. we naturally go into analysis mode and ask ourselves “why”?

    This is going to show all of the reasons that will continue to convince us that are the causes. Some of us are going to blame others, some ourselves, many both. By asking this question we seek to explain what happened and continue to convince ourselves of our version of truth.

    Weirdly enough that continues the loop as we have not yet gotten a new thought, we are only examining the existing thoughts and feelings.

    To have a new perspective we either need to connect to our minds creative side by coaching (which is the last thing that will happen on its own, because our mind might be in a survival mode to cope with the situation) and explore other possibilities or be open to hear a new perspective from someone like a friend or therapist even.

    Whilst we are still in the trenches of pain and hurt we are not open to hear any other way, as we need to heal from the existing one. First aid is feeling safe again and perhaps sharing the feelings with safe people. Connecting in the feelings that need to be held and cared for.

    But when we are ready to move, please realise: that by not changing your mindset and actions, you might not find a different path. You need to change in order to choose differently.

    Simply our subconscious is wired to return to familiar situations, unless we actively create new ways. If you want to change the familiar and change towards a healthy loving model, you might want to combine therapy and coaching.

    Therapy to work with the past traumas and negative memories and finding ways to feel safe expressing the worst that has happened and heal from it in a safe space.

    Relationship Coaching to expand your mindset of what is possible, create new healthy mindset that is open to love and prepares you to create a partnership you wish for. Packed with actions that you can take to be ready and finally relax and know that you desire can happen. You can choose a person that is good for you, develop trust in yourself and others, and feel confident in your choice.

    This combination brings a powerful mindset change and improves our lifestyle. We feel empowered to trust ourselves and our ability to lead and create our life as we feel it needs to be. Even in the romantic relationships we choose.

    We become open to healthy romantic partners and we are more authentic, which works like a magnet for those who seek our true selves.

    Trust me, I’ve been there and when I met my partner I was finally a powerful magnet to the real me. No wonder I’m loved in this relationship for who I am, and who I am becoming.

    So if you are ready to let go of the old patterns and start a love life you deserve, reach out and set a time for 30min. free coaching to check if you like my style (message to horsta.linda@gmail.com or in social media @lindahorsta )

  • I will be happy when I will find the one.

    I will be happy when I will find the one.

    Have you ever noticed yourself thinking this sentence?

    This is a belief many of us share when we are healing our relationship wounds.

    If you catch yourself thinking “that you will be happy when X happens”, you set yourself up for a life of longing. This is in fact a limiting belief that keeps us stuck.

    First answer this: How much has it cost you to believe that you will be happy when you will find the one?

    How many relationships where sorted as not good enough because of it?

    To how many dates you didn’t go, because it didn’t feel like the other person was the one?

    How many people you find attracting, whilst believing this? How long have you tried to find the one?

    Take it in. It might be unbearable to notice how much impact this belief has had on your life. Yet it is going to be your motivator to change it.

    Now that you know the impact, you can choose to take action towards finding a helpful belief.

    Let’s start the process by tapping into your deep knowing (intuition) and ask openly:

    Is this belief actually true?

    Your knowing probably answered ‘no’, because it knows that you can be happy, fulfilled and loved as you are and there is more than one person available to you.

    That is a helpful belief right there.

    Mindset change is something that we need to repeat to build a new neural pathway towards the outcome we want. That’s why coaching is so powerful: it accesses the parts of our mind that find solutions and build new connections in our mind, which help us to realise that we can achieve and receive what we want.

    You see a person who has limiting beliefs about romantic relationships is very quick to notice all that is not going well and find coping mechanisms to explain the reality.

    Whilst a person who works on changing their beliefs and create new helpful ones expands their mind to notice other possibilities. They start to see what could go well, they get a more positive outlook on their options and feel more secure in their own ability to choose a good partner.

    In fact my clients feel more fulfilled with themselves as they are and don’t need to control so much to find the love they seek. They start to give themselves the love they need and become much more attractive, especially to others who are compatible with them.

    Us being truthfully ourselves makes us shine and the persons who seek what we are can notice us with ease.

    So is it time to stop waiting for someone else to make you happy? Take the power back and become effortlessly attractive to the right ones?

    Message me “LOVE” to tarotmysteriestribe@gmail.com and find out how Relationship Coaching can help you.

  • Find out your dating chances

    Find out your dating chances

    You may have heard “there are no good men left” or perhaps “there are no single men anymore” both stories are not true. It all depends on your preferences on whom to date and honestly, most of us are okay to date 10-15 years older and a few years younger.

    For me that window was up to 10 years older and 5 years younger when I was in my mid twenties. Now I’m in my thirties and would consider an even larger range.

    Often these assumptions of lacking options come from real harsh periods of war etc. and even more so from negative mindsets.

    Did you know that globally the biological birth ratios are male dominated, with an expected ratio of 105 male births per 100 female births?

    (UN, World Population Prospects, 2024)

    Yes, you read it correctly, biologically speaking more boys are born and that has been so historically, not just a last years discovery.

    But how about you and your chances? Let’s do a little check up for you personally.

    What is your range? Write it down and follow the next steps to discover your true dating potential.

    Next step is to check the statistics of men in the country you want them to be from in this age group.

    As I’m writing this in 2025, my example is:

    • Age range 25-45
    • Countries: Netherlands, Latvia
    • My preference is single men

    Let’s count together:

    In the Netherlands from 25-30 are 576 thousand men + 582 thousand in 30-35 + 540 thousand in 35-40 + 521 thousand in 40-45 = 2,2 million men in the age group

    In Latvia there are 25-29 is 55 thousand men + 70 thousand in 30-34 + 67 thousand in 35-39 + 60 thousand in 40-44 year old = 252 thousand

    That marks my opportunities with whooping 2,4 million men, but of course, at least a half must be in some sort of relationship, right? (If you found statistics of single men, then continue with the next cut)

    Ok, let’s take a half off then, leaving with 1,2 million.

    Let’s be a bit critical and understand that I might not be compatible with all of them. Let’s cut off another half: 600 thousand left.

    Logically, I won’t be interested in all of them, as we may not have the same interests or values in life. Another half off: 300 thousand.

    Perhaps, some of them don’t have the same relationship goals as me (half off): 150 thousand.

    Good, now let’s be picky. Let’s say I’m searching for a real special person for me and I just don’t take chances. Half off: 75 thousand.

    My favourite is to make sure you are attracted to the person, let’s leave only one third: 25 thousand.

    Let’s say that you also need another very specific thing like being open to do cold plunges with you and let’s half off again: 12 thousand.

    Okay, I must be honest. I’m running out of more reasons to half off. Maybe you still have some, then go ahead.

    So for me it’s 12’000 men that may be available for me. Honestly, that’s a lot. Even if I tried I might not be able to date more than a few hundred.

    Perhaps, you have them in thousands or hundreds. But think logically, how many men would you actually be willing to date in your lifetime?

    I’m good with my number below 50.

    I shared this very illogical way to expand your mindset, because you may feel like you need to find the ONE. But the reality is that there is always more than one man available to you.

    At this very moment there may be 10+ men for you in your area alone. To make sure you notice the ones that are healthy for you, expand your mindset and start to recognise the opportunities.

    To change your mindset you need to rewire your thinking and that takes a bit of time, practice and knowing where and how to expand it. As a relationship coach, I’m equipped with the tools to create that change so that you can notice the healthy options and change your life!

  • Finding the 1

    Finding the 1

    My life was defined by this sentence for 15 years. My oh my.. how much I longed to be loved and cared for.

    And every time I met someone I liked and things went okay at the beginning I excitedly told my girls: “I think he is the one”. Funnily enough none of them where.

    Until..

    I met a man who was interesting, yet mysterious. His actions spoke louder than any of his words. He showed up daily in the dance festival where we met, finding me amongst the 2 thousand dancers to have many dances each night together. He talked to me daily since we went on our first date in September 2019. He built my trust in him with each action he took.

    And I finally didn’t think if he was the one. I was suspicious of where it will go for our beginning months, yet I was open that it could go either way. I finally was present in reality, instead of dreaming of what could be.

    I did enjoy our long distance romance and 4 months later we became a couple. A couple living more than 1000 km apart. We travelled to each other monthly for a while and then Covid hit. Latvia closed it’s borders instantly for an unknown amount of time.

    We spent 3months apart, yet we got closer. I asked every single question I thought as important for me to know about him and his thoughts.

    The week Latvia opened its borders, he bought his flight and by accident we started to live together. I say by accident, because he stayed much longer than initially planned and we begun to slowly plan our life together.

    On 2nd of January 2021 I moved to the Netherlands with him. Still pandemic, by the way.. Yet very fun for us and especially me, as I was in a new country.

    We live together ever since. And 5 years later, it’s quite apparent that he became the one. 

    No one feels better than the women who became aware that there is no prince to save them and they can build their dream life on their own! 

    You see at the moment I met Daan, I finally had stopped waiting for a saviour. I finally had started to realise that we all have more than 1 chance to love.

    That there are multiple options at any given time to create a compatible romantic relationship.

    In fact, I’m not afraid that we could separate one day. We might, but I know that we both have great options available even if we did.

    My past mindset was very tightly focused. It didn’t have room for reality, it only had one scenario on how this should go. The world-old stupid story of the princess and prince from fairytales.

    When I met my partner I had finally become clear on who I was! And that woman didn’t need any saving. Yet, she found even more love in being powerfully herself than ever by being a victim to save.

    I might tell you about my victim years and the one slap that change my life another time.

    For now, I’m grateful that I found someone who doesn’t have to be the one and in that is ideal for me. May you also find the love you seek, instead of the one.